Saïx's Hair
by oRpheusB20
Summary: AU where the CO team leaves later than in the game. Xigbar accidentally lobs off a chuck of Saïx's hair. Now he has to find out what to do about it without letting the whole castle know. Incredibly OOC characters
1. Stranger Things Haven't Happened

**OK, this is based off of something that somehow popped into my head while I was still half asleep before getting out of bed this morning. It's a little freaky, really.**

_OK__, so this is an AU where the CO crew doesn't leave until after Day 118; Mission 37: Vacation. Also, Xion got her Keyblade at one point or another while Axel was around._

* * *

Saïx's day hadn't been bad for the most part. All missions had been successful, and Roxas had gathered a decent amount of hearts, as well as gathered an acceptable amount of data on the new world. And then Xigbar showed up.

Saïx was just in the middle of going through the rest of the day's duties before he retreated to his room. Xigbar randomly decided to watch him while cleaning his weapons. After a minute, Saïx caved and asked, "Why are you cleaning your guns out here? Don't you normally do that in your room?"

Xigbar shrugged. "That gets a bit lonely after a while, so I figured I'd come out here and watch you do… whatever you happen to be doing."

"If you plan on doing that, at least make sure your guns aren't loaded," Saïx told him.

"What, do you think I'm going to shoot it at you?" Xigbar joked, before accidentally pulling the trigger.

Saïx saw this coming and sidestepped out of way. The shot continued on its way, crashing through the window. Saïx glared at the Freeshooter, informing him, "You are going to be the one fixing that in the morning."

Xigbar let out a sigh as he took the hint and unloaded his guns while Saïx returned to his duties. He looked up after a moment, and found something that made him get up and bid Saix a quick goodbye before running away. The Luna Diviner raised an eyebrow, but was thankful to no longer have to deal with him, and paid no attention to his sudden leave.

* * *

As Saïx returned to his room, he was stopped by Axel. "Dude, what happened to your hair?"

Saïx froze. "Excuse me?" He asked his old friend.

"You heard me. Your hair. Looks like a part of it was lobbed off." Axel informed him.

Saïx's eyes widened. "What the-" He tried to crane his neck to look at it, but found he couldn't. He rushed into his room, where there was a mirror, though he hadn't used it until now. "Oh, I am going to get Number II for this."

"Xigbar did this?" Axel laughed. "How'd he manage that?"

"He was cleaning his loaded guns out in the Grey Room earlier, and he accidentally fired off a shot. I thought I missed it though."

"Well, clearly you didn't." Axel was trying to not laugh, and was failing miserably. He then pat his friend on the shoulder. "You needed a haircut anyway."

"Who's going to cut it? There's a reason it got this long to begin with."

"True," Axel put on a thinking look. "Let's see… The ones with the sharp weapons that could cut it are Xaldin, Roxas or Xion, provided that they have a sharp Keyblade at the moment, Marluxia, and Larxene. Unless you want to go to Twilight Town and see if you can get someone down there to do it."

"No," Saïx snarled.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Alright, that leaves you with 5 options."

"Neither of the kids," Saïx said firmly.

"Why? Are you afraid of getting laughed at?" Axel joked.

"No, if they find out I'm having such stupid issues; they'll lose any respect they have for me."

"I think that goes for everyone you can turn to. Hey, I know, go to someone that already doesn't have any respect for you." Saïx glared at him. Axel let out a sigh, saying, "Alright then, let's go to Twilight Town and buy a pair of scissors. Then all you have to do is trust me to not chop your head off on accident." Saïx's glare didn't disappear. "Fine, then just deal with having awkward lopsided hair. Doesn't matter to me."

Axel turned around and left. When he was gone, Saïx just fell face first on top of his bed with a groan.

"What the heck's going on here?" A voice called out to him. Saïx stiffened, he knew who it was. "I thought you kept your door shut to keep out the idiots that wanted to bother you." There was the sound of footsteps that echoed across the room. "What are you doing?"

"Go away," Saïx commanded in annoyance.

The person didn't leave, instead most likely looking at his hair, which had gone everywhere when he fell onto the bed. Not that it changed just how bad it was. Then there was the expected laughing. It took a couple minutes for it to die down. "What did you do to your hair?"

"Number II happened," Saïx muttered through his pillow.

"Xigbar? How'd he manage that?"

"You sound like Number VIII," he replied, ignoring the question.

"You aren't going to answer my question?"

Saïx lifted his head to glare at Number XII. "He was cleaning his guns."

"They were loaded, weren't they?" She guessed. Saïx nodded. She laughed. "So who are you planning to get to fix it?"

Saïx placed his head back on his pillow. "No one."

"Most of the members aren't going to let you live it down, you know," she pointed out. Saïx did something akin to a nod. "At least face it with a little dignity."

"And how do I do that?"

"Well, for starters, don't lie there, at least not like that. You look pathetic." Saïx groaned and sat up. "Next, at least try and make it a little less jarring."

"And how do I do that?" He repeated.

"Well, the best way is to just cut it a little." She smiled. "If you give me something in exchange, I'll save you the embarrassment of having to ask someone to do it for you."

Saïx glanced at her. "Fine. Tomorrow will be a vacation day."

Larxene smiled happily and got to work fixing his hair. Sometime later, Saïx's hair was shorter by quite a bit, but at least it didn't look as horrible as it had before.

"Don't forget what you owe me now," she whispered in his ear before strolling out of his room. Saïx let out a groan as he realized that he had to halt operations for the day tomorrow. At least, he was still going to get back at Xigbar.

* * *

Roxas strolled into the Grey Room on his 118th day. He looked around, and only found Xigbar replacing a window that he had apparently broken the day prior. Where Saïx normally stood hung a piece of paper on the window that informed him that he had the day off.

'Wonder what the occasion is?' Roxas thought to himself, turning and leaving for Twilight Town in an attempt to find something to do.

Still in the Grey Room, Xigbar grumbled to himself about how cold Saïx can be over one little accident.

* * *

**Yeah... So anyway, at one point or another, soon, I hope, I want to make something that is much more original to the dream/whatever that is considered. That's be amusing, because Saïx was pretty broken there, and he just sat there smacking his lips as a form of communication. God, that was weird.**

**Tell me if I made any errors, please!**


	2. The More Original Version Of Things

**OK, so here it is for the, like, 2 person that bothered to read through the first one.**

**Thanks to 1 person that reviewed for informing me that I didn't make any errors or anything. And for just telling me it was good in general.**

* * *

The More Original Version

Xigbar pushed what seemed to be a brain-dead Saïx into Larxene's room, yelling, "He's your problem now!" Before slamming the door and casting a magic spell to trap them, not that they noticed, as both of them were questioning why he pushed him into her room.

Number XII looked up at Saïx, who was, for some unknown reason, smacking his lips. "What the…?" She asked, trying to figure out what just happened. She climbed off her bed, looking at Saïx, who had a blank stare and was continually smacking his lips. "What did he do to you?"

In response, Saïx smacked his lips quickly, as though in frustration or anger. Not that he could feel those, but still.

"Can't you talk? You're worse than Key-boy when I had to take him out to teach him magic." Saïx glared at her in annoyance, but didn't say a word. "OK, so you apparently now lack the ability to talk. Can you at least show me?"

Saïx turned around. Larxene didn't do anything for a couple of seconds before bursting into laughter.

"Did Xigbar seriously cut off a small chuck of your hair? Is that why you're being so weird?" Saïx smacked his lips as though to confirm her question. "Alright… so what do you want me to do about it?" The response was a shrug. "What do you expect me to do then!?"

In annoyance, Larxene grabbed the back of Saïx's coat and dragged him to the door. As soon as she touched it, though, her hand was shot through with one of Xigbar's arrows. Clicking her tongue, she muttered, "Xigbar, you're annoying." Summoning a Corridor of Darkness (after healing her hand that is) she attempted to shove the mostly mute Nobody through. He smacked into it as though it was a wall.

* * *

Throughout the castle rang a yell of frustration and the sound of something continually smacking into a wall. Worried, Roxas moved to investigate, Axel not far behind. In the background, Xigbar was stifling the laugh that threatened to escape his lips and give himself away to the two curious Nobodies.

Roxas stopped before the door where the sound was coming from. He turned to Axel. "Isn't this Larxene's room?"

Axel nodded. "Yeah, I believe so."

"Still want to know what's going on in there?" Roxas asked nervously, aware of her temper.

Axel thought for a second. "It might be best…" He stopped, before pushing Roxas forward. "You knock."

Roxas glared at his friend and hesitantly knocked. When there was no response, he figured it was because the knock wasn't heard, and tried again, loud enough to be heard above the sound of something smacking into a wall.

"What?!" Came the frustrated yell, only barely louder than the constant banging.

"Um, what are you doing in there?" He asked carefully.

The noise stopped. There was the sound of something crumpling to the floor, accompanied by a sigh. "Xigbar locked Saïx in my room. It's rigged so I'm going to get shot if I attempt to open the door."

"Have you tried-" He didn't get to finish the thought.

"A Corridor of Darkness? Yeah, I don't know how he managed it, but it's as solid as a wall."

"I'm assuming you were ramming Saïx into it then?" Axel called out.

There was a growl, but a light laugh hidden within. "Yeah."

"Do you know why Xigbar locked him in there to begin with?" Roxas inquired in an attempt to help.

"I think it has something to do with the fact that a chunk of Saïx's hair has been cut off, and he is, for some stupid reason, continually smacking his lips," she replied.

"Now why would he bother locking him in another's room if that's the issue? And why is he smacking his lips?" Roxas thought aloud.

"I don't know, but one thing I do know is I'm going to strangle Xigbar the first chance I get!"

"First you have to get out," Axel pointed out.

"Yeah, I noticed." There was a pause, and then the sound that seemed to be a head smacking into a nearby wall. "Open the door from your side," she then said, probably annoyed that she didn't think of it earlier.

"Oh, I can do that, can't I?" Roxas reached for the door, and was shot through the hand, letting out a cry of shock and pain.

"What happened? Don't tell me it's rigged on both sides."

"Sorry, but it is," Roxas muttered, fighting through the sudden pain. "Hey Axel, wanna go get me a potion from the Moogle?"

Axel accepted and stole some of Roxas's Munny to buy it with. Roxas yelled some choice words at his friend as he ran away. With a sigh, he turned back to the door.

"Do you have any more bright ideas?" He asked bluntly.

"Oh, shut up," she growled at him. "Go find out where Xigbar and ask him, I can't take a whole lot more of this. Hurry up, before Saïx wakes."

"'Before Saïx wakes?' Did you knock him out?"

"Yes, ramming him into the wall of Darkness. Now go!"

Roxas rolled his eyes before going to find Axel, who should have his potion. He was about halfway there when he spotted his friend walking down the hall, holding the desired potion and saying something to Xemnas, who was listening thoughtfully. Axel spotted Roxas walking towards them and tossed him the potion. Roxas chugged the potion while listening to Axel talk to Xemnas about today's issue.

"And so they're trapped," he finished.

Xemnas nodded. "I see. Do you know the reason?"

"Something about a part of his hair having been lobbed off, and also something about him smacking his lips nonstop," Roxas answered for his friend.

Xemnas raised an eyebrow, but instead of replying, he walked down to the entrance of Larxene's room, knocking on the door twice.

Roxas turned to Axel. "Why can we knock, but not open it?" Axel shrugged, just as confused.

"Number XII, is it true Number VII is stuck in there with you?" Xemnas asked.

"Yes," was the miserable sounding reply.

"What happened?" He asked in a way that seemed as though he didn't want to have to deal with this, which is probably incredibly accurate.

"Xigbar yelled, 'He's your problem now!' and shoved him in here, apparently rigging the doors to shoot any who dare to try and open it, and the Corridors of Darkness are now more like Walls of Darkness. So, got any bright ideas on how to get us out?"

"Well, you could always bust through your window and jump, all the while hoping to Kingdom Hearts you don't break your legs from the impact!" Axel called out helpfully.

"Let's save that one as a last resort," Roxas muttered. "You're probably going to be the one cleaning up the bloody aftermath if they do it."

Axel let out an over-dramatic sigh as they all went into deep thought. It was then that he heard it. It was really faint, but it was present. Roxas poked Axel's shoulder, gesturing to a spot hidden by the shadows. Axel listened, and also heard the noise, so he poked Roxas to get him to go investigate.

Roxas summoned a Corridor of Darkness and arrived in the very corner of the area. Just in front of him, so close that his nose was brushing the hood of his cloak, was Xigbar, who was enjoying the torture from afar. Determined to get him to cough up how to stop the madness, Roxas tackled him to the ground, just out of the darkness. Naturally, he squirmed, but Roxas managed to keep him from getting too far.

Xemnas, not missing a beat, walked to Xigbar, standing over him. Xigbar froze. "Let them out," was the command given.

Xigbar gulped, clearly not expecting to get caught, at least, not figuring that his leader would get involved. "I, uh, can't," he admitted nervously. He continued before his leader could speak. "I don't know how to disable it."

"You don't know how?!" Larxene's yell rang out. "Are you kidding me?! You are dead!"

"There is a way out!" Xigbar yelled back, clearly frightened. "You fix his hair and keep him from killing me!"

There was silence. Then, "That's it?" It was Roxas who asked.

Xigbar pushed said boy away, getting up, brushing away the dust off his cloak. "Yeah, I don't know how I did it, but I cut off a part of his hair. He went berserk and tried to kill me, so I fired off a spell to stun him, which happened to actually be the strange mute spell, and when he was wondering what happened, I pushed him into a corridor of darkness, just barely putting the spells on the door that caused this mess."

"How does fixing his hair do anything though?" Axel questioned.

Xigbar shrugged. "I don't know. I was panicking and that was the first thing that could act as a requirement that popped into my head."

Xemnas turned to the door. "Alright Number XII, you heard him. Fix Number VII's hair."

There was a sigh. "That is the stupidest requirement to unlock a magically sealed door ever." The group outside then heard the familiar sound of weapons being summoned.

"What are you doing?" Roxas asked.

"Well, I don't have scissors in here, so I have to use my knifes," she replied.

"Don't cut off his head," Xemnas demanded.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. If I did that, I probably won't get out of here."

Silence once again fell upon them. Eventually, Xemnas figured he had better things to do, and left. Once he was gone, Xigbar realized that Saïx would kill him as soon as possible, so he was gone in a snap, leaving Axel and Roxas alone. With nothing better to do, they leaned against the wall and chatted about what tomorrow's mission might be, as Saïx hadn't had any time to plan. Axel said that they would probably be given a vacation day, except Xigbar, as a means of punishment.

Eventually, the door burst open and Saïx ran out, and it was clear that he had punishing Xigbar on his mind, so with Roxas pointing him in the direction he ran off in, the Lunar Diviner ran off in search of the offending member. As he ran, Roxas and Axel noticed just how short his hair had become. Before, it had, at the very least, reached the end of his hood. Now it didn't even reach his shoulders.

"What do you bet he's going to stay out of sight as much as physically possible for at least a month?" Larxene asked them, leaning on her doorframe, watching his retreating form.

"500 Munny, for two weeks," Roxas bet.

"1000 Munny, for three," Axel said.

"5000 Munny, for a month. He was struggling so much I had to knock him out to actually cut his hair without cutting his head off," she informed him.

Axel whistled. "Can I increase my bet?"

"I'm increasing mine to 5000 Munny and 4000 Heart Points, for five weeks!" Roxas yelled excitably. The two older members then really wanted to win the bet, because Heart Points were something only he could obtain, and could buy just about anything from a Moogle.

"You guys are so weird," Xigbar commented.

Larxene glanced at him, ignored him, and then it registered that he was there, so she returned her gaze to him for a second before lunging forward in an attempt to strangle him and bring him to Saïx for further punishment.

Roxas and Axel glanced at the two, before deciding they should just leave them be, returning to their respective rooms for the night.

No one involved with the shenanigans were surprised when Saïx was nowhere to be found the next day, nor that they were given a vacation.

* * *

**And there we go. Again, if I made an error, tell me.**


End file.
